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| 01:54am 23/04/2007 |
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music: Gruff Rhys- Skylon!
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It's hard to really understand the effect the sport of football has on some (maybe most) men in this country, even though I seem to be very much one of them.
This weekend I was very nearly reduced to tears by United's draw with Middlesbrough which seemed to me like they'd thrown away their chance of winning the league, which had looked like a certainty only a couple of weeks ago. But then Chelsea only managed to draw with Newcastle today, turning the whole situation on it's head and it was absolutely amazing.
I don't think I'm going to have the stomach for the FA cup final and maybe the United/ Chelsea match in a couple of weeks, it just seems like too much potential heartbreak.
But then why do people really give a shit?
It's not like I'll get any personal reward for it whatever happens, my dad will get a fairly decent payout from william hill thanks to a bet at the start of the season, but that's not really why he would care about it. I'd gain bragging rights over my brother who is a Chelsea fan and that's pretty cool, but that's still not it.
I don't know if all this emotion we put into something that is essentially meaningless could be better placed elsewhere or not.
Or maybe it's good to put so much into something with no real potential for disruption in your life? like kind of filtering off a load of excess happiness/ despair that's really just going to get in the way otherwise.
I hope at least someone understands what I'm talking about here, it's nonsense really, obviously and it's 2AM and I've had a few beers, but you know, come on... |
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| Don't get upset because it's not a catasrophe |
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| 10:50pm 29/03/2007 |
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Just to relate my life to football, it's pretty difficult to accept that there will come a day when Ryan Giggs won't be playing for Manchester United, and there may be a great new left winger coming through the ranks ready to replace him already, but it's just not going to be the same, is it?
But then maybe it will turn out even better.
I mean, like uni and stuff, yeah?
I have mixed feelings about it again, but if I think about the situation with a little bit of logic it could just be the push that I need to get over the trappings of life in Chepstow, so I need to stop myself worrying.
But I'm worrying about college again, I don't trust them at all, I'm worried that even that if i get all the work in and get good grades it'll all fall apart thanks to the absolutely terrible organisation of Coleg Gwent.
But I should push it all to the back of my mind and just get on with it, don't you think?
Here's an opinion on some music-
The first three tracks of "City and Eastern Songs" by Jeffrey and Jack Lewis are incredible, but after that I can't be bothered to listen to it. That's all. |
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| University |
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| 06:38pm 20/03/2007 |
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I'm having a bit of a dilemma with my university situation now. I'm going to an open day at Thames Valley University tomorrow, it's widely regarded as one of the worst universities in the country, one of the so called 'new' universities that grew out of the old polytechnics.
Going to one of these "modern universities" that have given me offers seems pretty useless, because doing music technology there seems like it's on a par with doing Leisure and Tourism.
It'll be full of idiots who got in through their D grade at media studies at A level (this is out of being stupid, rather than too lazy like me), and at a risk of sounding like a twat, I'm better than that.
I don't want to be lazy anymore, if I'm on a challenging course that I'm interested in, I'll work as hard as I ever had, because unlike most of the people applying to these courses I want to learn for my own benefit rather than for the sake of having a degree/ getting drunk for 3 years.
I have a horrible vision of living with people who don't give a shit and I'll have nothing in common with, and that's what my life is like now and going to uni is supposed to change all that.
But the only other option is to try and get full time work, and there's no way I can see that happening. |
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| It's gonna be a great day today. |
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| 06:13pm 13/01/2007 |
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music: Madvillain- Great Day
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I got some fancy new Tannoy speakers the other day, mostly for mixing on, but they're incredible for just listening to music as well, I thought it was a lot of money when my hi-fi speakers sounded decent already, but they're most definitely worth it.
I just listened to Four Tet's remix of Madvillain's Great Day through them, it sounds beautiful, all the little percussive bits on it jump out at you so much more, I loved the song anyway, and especially this remix of it, but this is even better.
I think it's both the best thing Kieren Hebden or MF Doom have been on, and I think they've both released some amazing albums.
I've been bored and tired over the last few days, spent a lot of time mixing and recording songs by Mikes band, my band and Jack's songs, I'm definitely getting better.
It would be cool if you'd listen to my band's new song at www.myspace.com/lightbrigade1 and let me know what you think. |
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| Frankly, Mr Shankly, this position I've held, it pays my way, and it corrodes my soul |
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| 02:28am 08/01/2007 |
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I can't see myself getting to sleep too soon now, I have work in the morning, every day I waste in that place is increasingly depressing. I desperately need a new job, it will be just as bad, or worse, but at least a bit of a change would be nice, I wouldn't have to spend so much time in the company with two depressed middle aged women who are either on the verge of a breakdown or are just recovering from taking two years off work because someone threatened them once. I wouldn't miss people addicted to petty gambling, who like to make jokes at my expense about how tired/ bored I look (fair points, but it's every day, like clockwork).
I suppose it's really just one of those things that everyone has to go through when they don't have the experience or the qualifications or the contacts to do a job they actually enjoy, but I still like to think I can be different, although it's nonsense, as this whole rant proves.
The Life Aquatic is much better after watching it a second time, actually. The soundtrack is great as well, I didn't realise how much of a cool idea the whole thing of Bowie songs in Portuguese is before. |
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| The Life Aquatic/ Wes Anderson. |
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| 03:23am 06/01/2007 |
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I watched The Life Aquatic tonight.
I made the mistake of watching the box set of this, Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums in chronological order, which meant the one I suspected to be my least favourite would be watched last.
It was decent, I just couldn't connect to it like I could Rushmore, and Tenenbaums just seems so complete as a film, in a way, that it wasn't going to be anywhere near as rewarding as them. It tried to be more plot driven, I guess, and I wasn't sure if the moments that lean towards being an action film were as tongue in cheek as I was taking them to be.
Though in two of the films there are women with incredible english accents, I think I think anyone who speaks with a distinguishable accent to be quite cool, but it's strange that I'd think that of an accent of the country I'm from, or maybe not.
I think Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums have become two of my favourite filmes, and The Life Aquatic is pretty good too. They've made me reconsider my opinion of Owen Wilson, who I used to mildly dislike. I still think Bill Murray is fantastic, even if almost all his character's seem suspiciously similar.
Away from films, I guess you can tell that I've undeleted my live journal, I needed to post in a community, and I was getting bored without it. Though obviously I absolutely hate it.
I might do a proper update of what I've done over christmas tomorrow, but most likely I won't be bothered. |
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| 10:24pm 18/09/2006 |
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My biggest regret is that I never learned how to skate. |
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| 12:48am 15/09/2006 |
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Today I've had to face up to the harsh reality that I am going bald.
I'm 24 hours short of being 19, and my hairline seems to be receeding at an alarming rate.
I mean, come on, be fucking fair!
Apart from being dead, dying, disabled, blind, deaf or starving, losing my hair is the worst thing that could happen to me.
I'm considering cutting it relatively short, for some reason I think that would be better, and would probably limit the amount of hair that's starting to block up my shower...
No matter how long I look in the mirror holding my hair back, I just can't imagine what I'd be like without my hair, my forehead and eyebrows will be massive.
Fuck. |
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| 02:52pm 10/09/2006 |
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music: Brendan Benson- Get It Together
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This week will be kind of eventful.
I go back to college tomorrow, it may or may not be hell.
Then I get to see my dad on Thursday, because he's coming back here for a bit, not because it's my birthday on Saturday or anything like that, but because he's playing golf. He's kind of useless as a dad sometimes, but I do miss him. I can't wait to go and visit him in October, though he keeps putting back when we can go over, at the moment it's half term in October.
Then on Saturday it's my birthday, I don't really intend to do anything to celebrate, nobody seems to invite me out anymore, probably thanks to me declining so many invitations lately. I'll probably just end up getting drunk with my dad, which won't cost me much, at least.
Yeah, that qualifies as "eventful" compared to the last few weeks.
I'm really not looking forward to getting up at 7am tomorrow. |
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| 10:59pm 06/09/2006 |
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music: Sonic Youth- Bull In The Heather
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I noticed something strange about my music taste today.
Why is it that out of all the songs I've put in my "Best songs EVER" playlist on iTunes, most of them are from albums that I wouldn't regard as my favourite albums by that band?
Probably because they stand out more against the tracks next to them, maybe.
Or maybe I'm just being awkward, all but one of the Radiohead songs there are b-sides.
at the moment it looks like this:
And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead- Mistakes and Regrets
A Day In The Life- The Beatles
All Is Full Of Love- Bjork
Lua- Bright Eyes
Good Woman- Cat Power
Emma's House- The Field Mice
Transmission- Joy Division
She's Lost Control- Joy Division
Love Will Tear Us Apart- Joy Division
La La Song- Low
I Don't Want To Get Over You- The Magnetic Fields
2 Rights Make 1 Wrong- Mogwai
The Best Ever Death Metal Band In Denton- The Mountain Goats
Song Against Sex- Neutral Milk Hotel
Life In A Glass House- Radiohead
True Love Waits- Radiohead
You Never Wash Up After Yourself- Radiohead
Androgynous Mind- Sonic Youth
Bull In The Heather- Sonic Youth
Disconnection Notice- Sonic Youth
They seem so predictable, artist wise, maybe I just went for more obscure choices to try and convince myself that I'm interesting... but I do love all those songs.
Do I really want three tracks by Joy Division, Sonic Youth and Radiohead, or did I do that because they're the three most obvious "classic" bands that I listen to so I felt that I should include them more?
But I do love all those songs.
Again, I've totally overlooked anything from hip hop and electronic music, and apart from the Mogwai track there's no instrumental tracks, even though I spend a fair amount of my listening time with post rock, electronica and hip hop albums. Possibly I have a deeper sentimental attachment to songs that have lyrics or are about love or any of that junk... I think that even though instrumental music can cause emotions, the only ones I really love enough to qualify as one of my favourite songs are ones with singing. Not that I think instrumental music is any worse... maybe they just work better as you're listening to them, rather than looking back, it can't be very often that you hear someone walking around humming an Explosions in the Sky track, even if it is great.
Maybe I didn't need to put this much thought into this.
I've been busy lately, recording with the band, we sound a bit more like how I wanted to sound on the last couple of songs, I'm not sure how the others feel though.
I've also been working on some songs I recorded with Jack which I think are really good, but he's never happy with anything he's sang (sung?) on, so he's not letting us do anything with them just yet, which is kind of annoying. I've also been doing some stuff on my own with my laptop again, it's fairly silly stuff, but I like some of it, and then I was supposed to be playing guitar with Mike tomorrow for our super-ace new band (who will be both "loud" and "noisy" if it goes to plan), but I've been roped into getting up early (well, pre-noon) to record and write some more with the other band.
I basically have music running out of my ears, rather than into my ears, as is normal. |
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| Ys |
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| 02:40am 01/09/2006 |
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music: Joanna Newsom- Emily
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I'm not even going to try and describe the new Joanna Newsom album, I'm too impressed by it to put it into words just yet, but it's been such a long time since I've been this moved by a new album, possibly because of the amount of lemsip I've drank in the last couple of hours which kind of has me in a hazy, sleepy daze, but it's so, so good.
But then it's produced by Steve Albini and Jim O'Rourke and Bill Callahan sings backing vocals on one track, I'd convince myself I loved it even if it was awful. |
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| 12:46am 24/08/2006 |
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music: Tunng- The Wind Up Bird.
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Green man was pretty good, weather was shit though, met some really nice people, but they surely thought of me as being too boring and quiet, but they were nice to me anyway.
Gruff Rhys was surely the highlight, Adem was good too as well as Keiren Hebden and Steve Reid (not exactly Four Tet, but still great live), and what I saw of Tunng and Juana Molina.
I also saw, Euros Childs, Simple Kid, A Hawk And A Hacksaw, Quasi, Silver Jews, some of José González, Misty's Big Adventure, Archie Bronson Outfit, Alasdair Roberts, Sunburned Hand Of The Man.
I missed Calexico due to the clash with Sunburned Hand Of The Man, and also missed M. Ward and the Television Personalities because we got there late.
Nothing else is happening, Man United are having a brilliant start to the season, they might as well give us the damn trophy already. This makes me happy, as meaningless as it should be.
I have band practice at 10 tomorrow, so I need sleep, I don't know how the rest of them manange to get up at such an hour. We're going to record our one and only song that's both finished and quite decent, if we had more time before the other four of them went off to university I think we could be alright really, if we just made the effort to practice and write songs more regularly.
Hopefully I'm starting a new band with Mike, it failed badly when we tried before, but we were about 13 then and we probably wanted to sound like Green Day. |
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| 02:04am 10/08/2006 |
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i just made a massive entry about all kinds of shit, space was mentioned a lot, but i've covered that before, and sort of decided that it's better to not ask what it all means and try to convince myself it's meaningless... right, i'll stop myself there.
i saw that bit on the simpsons today, that parody of where it zooms in and out from space but jon wouldn't give me the link to the original one, because he knew how stupid i'd get about it
my mum went to see family in pembrokeshire today, me and my sister celebrated by buying cherryade and cola i've drank most of two litres and it's made me feel a bit strange, hence the never actually posted update... it was like kerouac, but written by a boy who's drank too much cherryade and had just come off a three hour super mario brothers session
i need t tto go for a walk or something |
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| Dear catostrophe waitress... |
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| 10:55am 05/08/2006 |
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music: Belle And Sebastian- If She Wants Me
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Last night I went out with my step dad and uncle rather than seeing my friends, even though they were in the same pub, which is a bit pathetic really.
I have a new cat, it's called Frank, which is a shit name for a cat, especially a female one, but apparently when you're a 15 year old girl like my step sister that's the height of ironic humour.
But yeah, the cat is cool, my other cats have been hissing at it and seem to hate it, but the vet said they won't attack it because they know it's just a kitten.
A Hawk and A Hacksaw are playing in my local pub tonight, it's going to be pretty surreal, but almost definitely quite brilliant, by Chepstow's standards anyway.
Gary should be around as well, so that's cool, haven't seen him for ages and ages.
Nothing much else going on, I've been to the gym three times this week, I'm not a gym type of person at all, it all tries to be a bit too motivating, sort of, and when I go I seem to be the only male there, but also the only person under 50, so I feel a bit out of place... I don't think I'll be renewing my membership when my 7 day trial ends, as much as I desperately need the exercise, I'm hopefully going to find the motivation to start running again from somewhere, but it's a bit hot for it lately. |
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| 12:03am 01/08/2006 |
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music: Andrew Bird- Masterfade
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Right, okay, I'm fine now, sorry for all the moaning I've put everyone through over the last three weeks or so.
One thing depressing me isn't worth it because there's always everything else to live for. Not that I'm just going to stop being irrational and jealous and paranoid and all that, but I might as well get on with things rather than moping around forever.
Me and Jack just booked Broken Social Scene tickets, I found out that Los Campesinos are supporting them earlier, that news made my day, and then I found out that they're playing in Cardiff on my birthday, and that was even better news.
The rain is depressing though, very British, very miserable, very boring, stops me going outside, gets my hair wet, makes me cold, but then it does mean I don't have to water the garden, and it means my cats want to sleep on my lap, and that's nice.
My iPod is broken, which is by far the most frustrating thing ever.. everything works fine (music plays, I can control volume and everything) apart from the display, which just displays nothing at all, so unless I want to listen to the Xiu Xiu album I had on for the rest of my life (and that would probably make me kill myself), I'm going to have to pay for a new one.
Then there's the bastards I reversed my car into, there was next to no damage, just a small black mark where I made contact, and they're going ahead with claiming through their insurance, my mum says it can cost me up to £200, so I'm just going to fight their claim as far as I can I think.
If all goes to plan I will hopefully be spending a week in Amsterdam either before or after Reading festival, it should be great, even if I do have to spend it with my brother and sister, I'm fine with my sister who just wants to spend the whole week stoned I think, but I'd just be baby sitting my brother.
I've lost most of my need to go out and be sociable over the last week, turning down invites three times last week, I hope it's all down to me being addicted to my new DS lite rather than anything bad. |
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| 03:09pm 22/07/2006 |
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music: Bright Eyes/ The Album Leaf- Hungry for a Holiday
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I'm seriously thinking about moving to Holland with my dad, I haven't actually asked him about it yet, be he's almost certainly taking a job that would involve him moving to Amsterdam, and if he'd be okay with it then it would be far too much of an opportunity to pass on. Chepstow isn't doing me any favours, my life has been exactly the same for years and years and this town doesn't provide much in the way of variation.
But unless I'm willing to give up college half way through, I suppose I can't go there, I want to give up college, the next year would be much better without it, but if I don't do next year I can't go to university, and unless I go to uni I'll be stuck working crappy jobs for the rest of my life.
But i'm still going to consider it, if it wasn't for the issue of jobs and education I'd definitely go and it would surely be great for me to experience some new places.
I went to the doctors yesterday, apparently I have athsma, I've got all these things to help me breathe that I don't have a clue how to use and I'm not really sure I need, but if they stop my chest pains and problems breathing whenever I break into a moderately paced walk I'll be happy.
I lost my wallet last week, with £20, my driving license and my debit card in it, which is frustrating, I've cancelled the card, but that means that even though I got paid yesterday I won't be able to take any money out untill I get a new one in 5 working days time, which is pretty bad timing with my family all going to France on Tuesday. |
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| 07:09pm 19/07/2006 |
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music: Liars- Why Midnight Walked But Didn't Ring Her Bell
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Everyone in this country is obsessed with the weather.
Not even really the weather, more the figures, my nan comes around today and said "oooh, it's 35 degrees today"... there's no way it was that hot, and what difference does it make how hot it actually is, surely it just matters how hot you feel.
whatever, it's too hot.
I'm still bored and without a social life, but I decided to wait untill people invite me back out instead of forcing myself on everyone. |
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| 02:42am 10/07/2006 |
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i'm one for fairy tale endings, and the world cup final was anything but that, which was a massive shame.
i was hoping zidane would get three goals and go down as a hero again, which he definitely deserves, i really can't understand why he got himself sent off like that. i was cheering for france since the quarter finals, so it's a shame they didn't manage to win it, just because it would've been such a big shock.
otherwise, tonight was good, i watched the football with my mum and step dad, which meant lots of free beer, and then i met abbie, jude, sian and luke at the pub, and that was nice.
i've realised that a whole load of crap i was worried about recently isn't really worth concerning myself over, so i'm pretty happy right now.
also, i listened to 'Funeral' by the arcade fire for the first time since last september or so and it's still one of the best albums i own, no matter what people say about them now they're popular. everyone who got bored of listening to it too much like i did should go back to it and listen again, and you'll love it again.
I'm quite drunk, but it's beer drunk rather than wine drunk, which is a good thing.
It's my sister's 17th birthday in the morning, then my brother's 15th on the 12th
I can't believe my brother is going to be 15, he seems so much younger than i thought i was when i was 15, and looks about 11... I got him a modest mouse album as a present, i don't know if he'll like it at all, he quite likes the shins so i thought i might be able to make him like some decent music, but i'm not sure |
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| 01:34pm 04/07/2006 |
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music: TV on the Radio- New Health Rock
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Somehow last night turned from watching mtv in my living room, to drinking wine in a skate park untill it got light, then watching the sun rise, then making breakfast in my kitchen and then almost falling asleep in my garden at 8am, I don't know how it happened, but it was quite nice.
But then my mum got back at 10 and starting having a go at me for the mess in the kitchen, I don't know if it would be more sensible to get a couple of hours sleep before work at 6, or if I should just dose up on caffeine and struggle on... I'll probably be wide awake again late tonight, and fuck up my sleeping even more.
The internet didn't work for most of Chepstow yesterday, so I'm glad I did something or I'd have gone crazy.
I've started playing Pokemon Blue again, though I'm just continuing a game I started in a rush a while ago, so all my Pokemon are too weak and I don't have many, which is a shame. I got pokemon gold off ebay for a fiver, should be here soon, I can't wait. I'm going to buy a DS lite when I get paid this month I think. |
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